Because I’m having a hard time finding them on this planet — The afterlife is a hot topic these days, what with Netflix streaming Surviving Death and ghost stories popping up on the best-seller lists. Everyone’s so curious about what happens after…well, you know, but my advice is chill. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. If somebody gave me a chance…

You don’t have to bring a foghorn to bed, just let me know you’re there — I’ll take a hot man any way I can get him. But if I had my druthers, it’s a hunk with a little mouth music. I like to know my guy is with me on our journey to the gates of ecstasy, if not on the same seat squeezing in…

The road to sexual liberation is long, slow, and confusing. — If you spend time in the world of Medium, writers of a certain age and genre can lull you (or me) into thinking sexual inhibitions are a thing of the past. I’m here to tell you that is wishful thinking at best, and definitely fake news that puts pressure on…

But I had to get over the trauma and divorce before I found a soft place in my heart. — On a day when I could barely hold it together, when I needed support as much as I needed air, I called a friend to tell her that I had left my short-lived second marriage. …

I never realized how much I use sex to measure my self-worth until I wasn’t having sex. — Random thoughts to keep me from thinking how long it’s been since I’ve had sex. As the pandemic rolls on, I’m fixated with the obvious question: will I ever get my hair cut again? Next to sex, hair is our nonstop obsession. But since the pandemic changed every aspect of…

It would have been faster than learning them for myself. — I can count on two knuckles of one finger the things my mother told me about sex. (And frankly, I can think of better things to do with that finger. But I digress.) First, after dinner one night when I was about thirteen years old, she described “the curse.” She…

Sex with myself is great, but it will never replace a living, breathing …fill in the blanks. — Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had great sex since the beginning of the pandemic. I should revise that. I’ve had great orgasms since the lockdown. Because that’s all I get when I hunker down with my techie playmate. Some of the best Os ever. Haven’t you? If you don’t know how to get yourself off, oh my. You should do something…

5 tips on how to land the best job in the world — Tell me again why I don’t live in the Netherlands? Oh, yeah. I don’t speak Dutch. Because if I did, I’d be putting an ad in the paper. With the government’s approval. If you haven’t coupled up, they’re telling their citizens to get a sex buddy. Either that or get…